Of Pigs and Men
by girlgonemadd
Summary: Transformations aside, a romp through the hay brings about some unexpected results. Slash


Rating: NC-17 for last chapter, the rest is PG  
Disclaimers: Not mine (WHAAAAAA)  
Spoilers: The Storm  
Feedback: Love to have it.

--------------------

Chapter 1

"It's a pig."

Rodney eyed the small creature with some amount of wariness. He'd never liked farm animals, they were ugly, filthy beasts not put upon the earth to befriend man like cats and dogs. Not that he cared much for a big, stupid, slobbering dog either but it was much better than an animal who thought nothing about wallowing in a natatorium of germ-infested muck either.

"Why am I looking at a pig?" The barely contained irritation reflected in his words.

"It's not a pig." Teyla informed him, whispering for whatever reason he couldn't fathom. What could possible be so important about a pig that it warranted whispering?

"Whatever." Did it matter if it was called a Groth instead of a pig? It looked like a pig, it acted like a pig, it was a stupid farm animal bred for the sole purpose of providing food and, as far as Rodney cared, it was the animal's only virtue. "Is there a point to this because I have real work - "

"It's Major Sheppard"

"While I appreciate your observation of the fascinating similarities a pig and Major Sheppard share - "

"You do not understand!" Teyla hissed, angry eyes stabbing through the shadows of the barn to pin the scientist in place. "The pig IS Major Sheppard"

Oh. "I see. Which one put you up to this because, honestly, it's not very good and frankly I'm getting very tired of all these practical jokes." He turned to leave only to be sharply spun around, the hand on his arm strong and biting, the words raining down like acid rain.

"I will say this only once Dr. McKay. This is not a 'joke', it is real and I witnessed this occurrence with my own eyes! Major Sheppard was turned into a pig and, unless we correct this situation, the Tilkarens intend to serve him up as their evening sacrifice"

Teyla was many things; beautiful, intelligent, strong, and a leader but never cruel.

Trembling at the weight of the words, Rodney nodded, thoughts buzzing through his head. "How was this accomplished? Matter rearranged - "

"Dr. McKay!" Teyla snapped and motioned through the slates in the barn to the sun that was starting it's descent towards the horizon. "I do not have the time. Lt. Ford and I will discuss the Major's indiscretion with the Tilkaren Council in hopes of reaching a compromise. You are to keep Major Sheppard here and away from the villagers." She stepped up to him, her expression tight and uncompromising. "Is that clear?"

A part of Rodney was furious at taking orders from the Athosian leader as it seemed everyone took too much enjoyment out of bossing him around but another part knew neither Teyla nor Elizabeth would ever forgive him for allowing the Major to become an evening meal. Or rather snack, he corrected himself after a glance at the small stature of the creature. "Clear." He signed, resigning himself to the fact he'd be baby-sitting a pig and wouldn't that just give the bulk of those on Atlantis new fodder with which to torment him?

"Very well. We will return shortly"

With the door barred after Teyla's departure, Rodney sat down with a sigh, then turned to find the diminutive pig rooting around for food.

"Great, just great." Taking a look at the size of the animal the Major had been transformed into, he chuckled. "Runt of the litter, huh? That would explain a few things"

The pig turned large, liquid eyes on him, grunted a few times, then bounded up to Rodney and began to root around in his pockets.

"Hey! What the - " Pulling the small body away, Rodney took out the food pack and made a face. "Pig slobber, just wonderful!" Squealing made him look over at the small figure who seemed furious to be kept from it's meal. "Fine! Fine! You might as well have it now."

Opening the pack, he held out the food and watched with amusement as the pig squealed in delight, bounded up, and took the offering from his fingers with surprising gentleness. Was this how Major Sheppard was as a child? All eagerness and energy? Just trying to imagine brought a smile to Rodney's face. A small body speeding around, black hair that stuck out at every angle but still managed to give him that boyish look, an innocent smile that could melt every heart in his path. He probably drove his parents up a wall.

"Is there anyone you don't drive crazy?" Rodney asked out loud and when the pig looked up at him and cocked it's head to one side, he laughed out loud.

"Oh yeah, I imagine everyone you meet you drive insane. What did you do this time Major?" Probably smiled the wrong way at the Village Leader's daughter, the smile that rarely surfaced, the one that could curl toes and make knees weak.

The sound of angry voices outside startled both of them and the pig scrambled up into Rodney's arms, shaking, trying to crawl into his jacket. Fear pumped through Rodney. He could feel the small animal trembling in his arms, found it hard to believe the Major would ever be that scared, even as he carefully tucked the warm body inside his jacket. The sudden surge of protectiveness provoked Rodney into action and a quick scramble later found them in the loft, buried beneath especially soft, lightly scented hay.

"If I break out in hives and/or swell up like a zeppelin because you couldn't keep your eyes off some ravishing knockout, I'll never forgive you Major"

----------------

Chapter 2

The 'hay' didn't have an unpleasant scent but there was no telling what manner of germs were crawling all over the place, it was a barn after all, and housed any number of animals and all their possible infectious bacteria. Not to mention there was no telling where the Major had been after his transformation into a pig, the same pig now curled up inside his jacket.

"The heretic must be found!" A voice cried out above the other voices from the angry mob outside and a rippling wave of agreement echoed in return.

Heart beating loudly in his ears, Rodney strained to hear the rest of the words, attempting to catch any hint of where the frightening mob would turn their attentions next. One hand went absentmindedly down to the small, trembling animal, petting him as he had his cat, whispering nonsensical reassurances as he tried to follow the emotionally charged conversation outside. If the villagers inspected the barn first, they were totally screwed. The second level of the barn was a good fifteen feet high with only the wooden ladder or the nearby loft door as possible escape routes. Dropping down from the loft door at that height was a guarantee of breaking something needed in any escape and the ladder was simply not an option with the mob downstairs, outside the only door.

"We cannot wait for the aliens to flee with the sacrifice! They must be found!"

"Tilkarens!" A voice called above the others, out of breath, and excited. "There has been witness of one of the aliens fleeing towards the river!"

"If they make it to the river, there will be no capturing them! Let's go!"

The roar of agreement was in conjunction with the sounds of running and within moments all was quiet once again.

"Jesus!" Rodney swore, attempting to calm his heart only to jump at the sound of his radio sparking to life.

"Dr. McKay! Dr. McKay!" Teyla's voice spoke softly, anxiously, into the soft cocoon of hay. "Are you and Major Sheppard all right?"

"Aside from nearly being strung up by an angry mob? Just fine, thanks for asking!" He didn't mean to be so harsh but these near death misses were really getting to him as one hand rose up to wipe the sweat from his forehead. "I need to ask Elizabeth for a desk job." It was muttered bitterly, under his breath. The idea of hiding in his lab, away from the more often than not angry residents of the Pegasus Galaxy and the teasing he got from his teammates, was looking more and more appealing.

"Lt. Ford is leading the villagers towards the river, away from your location. I am working on a lead that I hope will resolve this situation shortly. If you cannot maintain your position there, do not, I repeat, do not enter the woods for cover. It would appear the nearby woods contain large, nocturnal, and carnivorous creatures that will see a human as a food source."

"Of course they do." Why not? Perhaps the barn would catch on fire and Rodney bet the locals had nothing in the way of a fire department. "We appear to be safe here." For the moment. Rodney instantly chided himself for the thought. Teyla was a good person, she had always shown him respect and she certainly didn't deserve to be on the receiving end of his bad temper. "Follow up on that lead." He spoke softly, hoping she understood the apology in his tone.

"I will Doctor." She promised.

The radio fell silent.

------------------

Chapter 3

Nearly an hour later there had been no return of the angry mob and no contact from either Ford or Teyla. It had taken most of that time to calm the frightened pig down, who'd finally fallen asleep in the loft above. Major Sheppard, Rodney scolded himself, as he checked the ground floor for any nearby activity, attempting yet again to wrap his mind around the fact something so small and vulnerable could be the exasperating man he'd come to know.

The sun was low on the horizon and something twisted deep in Rodney's gut as images of sacrifices danced through his head. Making certain the doors were secure, he climbed back up the stairs to find his small charge where he'd left him mere minutes before, nested into the soft hay and soundly asleep. Again the protective urge rushed over him and Rodney had to sit down at it's intensity, leaving him shaking and a little out of breath. A spike of panic ignited at the thought of all that could potentially go wrong and it was several moments before the dizziness passed.

What was wrong with him? All he had to do was baby-sit a pig until Teyla and Ford sorted everything out and Major Sheppard was returned to his proper dimensions, then they could all go home. They'd certainly faced more dangerous situations, they'd faced down the Wraith on any number of occasions and it never left him feeling this overwhelming need to...to...

"No." It was simply stress, nothing more. The stress of too many near misses, the stress of having been pushed beyond his own abilities. Rodney held no delusions of being a soldier and knew he'd nearly cost everyone their lives and nearly lost the city because of the Genii and his lack of courage. Why Sheppard kept him on the team or Elizabeth allowed him to remain on Atlantis was baffling, he'd already proven once he was untrustworthy, what more did they need? For whatever reason, it was time to fix this lie because even if they were blind to the truth, he knew he didn't belong on a team and didn't deserve to be on one.

A soft nose nudged at his hand and Rodney looked down at the pig to find it awake, those intense eyes staring up at him. Just like Sheppard's.

"You deserve better."

------------------

Chapter 4

The apologies, Rodney decided, simply were not good enough so he made no effort to hide his anger at the Tilkarens, even if Teyla seemed more forgiving. They had gathered at the temple in the middle of the village, surrounded by the same insipid people who had been aggressively ripping apart the village for them mere hours before.

The cause of all the trouble looked carefully ashamed. As the Village Elder's daughter, Imar was considered their most precious possession and treated like royalty. The richest of garments were colored in the deep shades of reds and blues that adorned the tall, blond beauty with the perfect features and large, seductive eyes. Eyes that took one look at a hard, lean body, impossibly sexy hair, and a boyish grin and had decided what she saw was what she wanted. Apparently no one had ever said no to Imar until John Sheppard turned down the highly sought-after position of paramour. The coddled princess, in her disbelief, screamed to everyone within earshot that the Major had taken advantage of her and the punishment swiftly followed.

The Village Elders also looked ashamed but it only built resentment in Rodney's heart because he knew it was all a lie. They weren't ashamed of their actions, only that they'd been caught and exposed in front of their populace due to Teyla's quick thinking.

"This is indeed a most unexpected turn of events, such a misfortune has never occurred before, I promise you that. I can only hope you can forgive my daughter - " The Village Leader, Kurec, was still blathering on with his long-winded apology.

"Your cherished princess nearly had an innocent man killed!" Rodney snapped out. "Do you have any idea of what we've been through - "

"Dr. McKay." Teyla interrupted his rant.

How could she be so damn calm about all of this? Sheppard had been turned into a pig to be sacrificed, Ford had been chased by an tempestuous mob out for vengeance who would have surely killed him if he hadn't kept two steps ahead of them, and Teyla herself had been threatened for hiding Sheppard and trying to resolve the situation peacefully. Her close call was more than evident in the jagged rip in the sleeve of her uniform, edged in blood and occasionally flashing the white of a bandage shrouded beneath.

"Perhaps it would be best if you changed Major Sheppard back to himself and we return home through the Stargate." While worded as a request, no one was under any assumptions that Teyla's statement was anything less than an order.

"Of course, of course." Kurec was falling all over himself to remedy the situation or possibly to keep his distance from the growing animosity of the three visitors with very frightening looking weapons drawn to combat any further misfortunes'.

With shaking hands, he opened the temple and, along with the Village Elders, lead them into a chamber that at one time would have had Rodney drooling with glee. The writings of an ancient civilization decorated the walls and several objects were displayed as items worthy of worship for a civilization unenlightened and unable to theorize their real purpose.

"Will he remember any of this?" Ford asked as the party stopped in front of a large statue of a beautiful woman dressed in a similar fashion as Imar.

"No. To Major Sheppard it will be as if no time has passed. Please place him within the circle." Kurec motioned to the finely inlaid stone tile before the statue.

Teyla watched as Rodney glared at the Village Leader with distrust, one hand gripping the handle of his weapon as if he were considering shooting Kurec where he stood as the other was wrapped protectively over the small creature hiding in his jacket. Since their return to the barn, she had noticed the protective and gentle way in which the doctor handled the small animal and wondered at this change of attitude from the man she'd left hours before.

"Dr. McKay?" She spoke softly.

Nodding, Rodney returned the gun to it's holster and carefully unzipped his jacket to find the small pig looking up at him with those large, trusting eyes. Something hot burned through his gut to think the Major could be so trusting of him, to look to him for assurance that everything would be all right. But it was merely the trust of an animal who didn't understand it's world and who would blindly follow anyone who treated it with any morsel of kindness, Rodney scolded himself. An animal that would shortly cease to exist to be replaced by a man who didn't need anyone.

It took all his reserve to keep his hands from shaking as he set the pig down and backed away. A flash of light later and Major Sheppard stood in the circle, eyebrows drawing together as he took in the scene.

"Well, that was weird."

"Sir, we should leave immediately." Ford kept his weapon leveled on the Village Elders.

"Miss something important, did I?" Sheppard nodded to Teyla as she handed him his weapon and backpack.

"You could say that." Rodney whispered to himself.

"It would be best to delay explanations until we've reached the jumper, Major."

"Then let's move out."

The trip through the village was quick and without conversation until the Tilkarens were left far behind and the jumper was within sight. Though his chest felt restricted, Rodney couldn't get back fast enough, needing to get away suddenly, needing to put some distance between himself and this screwed up planet.

"Hey, where's the fire McKay?" Sheppard had to jog to catch up with him as they reached the jumper. Rodney was about to shoot back a nasty comment when he realized the Major was smiling that boyish grin his way, his hand reaching up. The scientist felt his pulse pick up for a moment, mouth dry as he watched the fading sunlight reflect off the mess of hair and kissed the smooth skin where a five o'clock shadow should have been growing. Then the Major's hand withdrew with a piece of hay. "What were you rolling around in? Or should I ask with whom?"

"I fell!" Rodney retorted to the back of the laughing figure who entered the jumper. "I - fell." He leaned against the smooth metal, cool against his flushed skin, realizing some part of him believed Sheppard had reached out to caress him. Images of adorably ruffled hair, boyish grins, and mischievous looks made his chest squeeze tighter and he had to wonder if it was an asthma attack. He'd fallen, all right.

He'd fallen in love with Major Sheppard.

There wasn't any one single event to pinpoint when this change had occurred, rather it had built up slowly over time. So slowly that Rodney never noticed until just this moment, until it was far too late to do anything about it except carry out his plan to leave the team.

"Doctor?" Teyla asked, noticing he'd lagged behind after being in such a hurry to get away from the village. Looking in his face, she saw the pain and despair there before he turned away and she felt her heart break, her suspicions confirmed. "It is time to go."

He nodded and allowed her to lead him inside by the hand. Teyla was disturbed that he didn't even appear to notice her support much less go into a rant about how he didn't need to be coddled.

The jumper took off and with the Major busy at the controls, Lt. Ford turned to her, quirking an eyebrow at the quiet scientist in concern. When Teyla shook her head briefly, the young soldier wasn't surprised. Things hadn't been the same since the storm, since they'd nearly lost McKay and today seemed to have taken a large toll on the scientist.

"So, Lieutenant, what did I miss out on today?"

--------------------

Chapter 5

Everything was wrong. Truthfully, things hadn't been quite right for a while but John had hoped his team would pull together and continue on as before. Only now, as he listened to Ford describe the events of the day he'd missed, every nerve in his body was screaming out at just how wrong' everything was.

Okay, he'd been turned into a pig, but since he had no memory of being a pig he figured he could deal with that later. What was wrong was the fact that McKay wasn't snarking endlessly at him about being turned into such a lowly beast. The fact that McKay didn't demand time, even in a hostile situation, to examine a device capable of such power, was also a red flag. Normally advanced technology had a way of diverting the scientist's attention and nothing short of imminent death could drag him away. He was also being unusually quiet, another huge warning. And he'd been in such a hurry to get to the jumper only needing be lead inside like a kicked puppy. Add to that Teyla's mother-hen act and Ford's frequent worried looks and John was becoming unsettled.

Guilt rushed through him. Had he said something to hurt Rodney? Teyla was seated in back with Rodney and talking softly, soothingly and something darker flashed through the Major. He gritted his teeth, trying to concentrate on his flying and the soft murmurings behind him while fighting off a headache that promised to be spectacular.

"Sir, are you all right?" Ford whispered softly.

And that was also wrong. Lately if Ford thought he wasn't feeling well, he'd clue in the rest of the team so they could collectively bully him into seeing Dr. Beckett. Perhaps downtime was in order for all of them to relieve some of the stress.

"Fine." He muttered when he realized Ford was still expecting an answer The headache pounded at his temple, like an angry heartbeat threatening to punch holes in his head.

"Teyla, how's the arm?" More guilt at the fact he only now thought to ask.

"It is merely a scratch, Major." She assured him.

The rest of the trip home was uneventful, the headache preventing any real ponderings from being considered and thought through. It was enough to touch down in the Jumper Bay and know they were home, alive and safe. He reiterated as much to McKay, hoping to cheer him up a bit.

"Come on McKay," he offered a friendly slap on the shoulder, "we're home, we're safe and it's football night."

They exited the Jumper to head for the briefing room, walking shoulder to shoulder behind Ford and Teyla.

"I don't think - "

"You're problem is that you think too much and I'm not going to let you hide away in your lab until all hours of the night working. Besides, I'm going to need your help in making an aerodynamically correct paper football when I challenge Ford later." He offered the scientist his most charming smile, the headache receding, the knowledge that his team had come home safely making him feel a bit giddy.

McKay hesitated for a moment. "Paper football?"

The grin grew. "Paper football."

-------

During the meeting it took all of John's reserves to sit still and not fidget like a bored child, hearing the story repeated for Elizabeth, adding his own comments when necessary, and trying not to let the warm sunlight pouring through the stained glass window distract him from the conversation.

"Very well, I'm glad to have you all home. Consider yourselves on stand down for the next three days. Major Sheppard, Teyla, please report to the infirmary. You're dismissed."

Damn, John had hoped to avoid a trip to see Dr. Beckett and wondered how long he could put that particular visit off as they got up to leave only to find his teammates right in step with him. Ford merely gave him an innocent look, Teyla raised an eyebrow and McKay sighed as if he were being put upon to escort an adult to the infirmary.

A huge grin broke across John's face. This was more like it.

"So where are we going, kids?" He asked, heading in no particular direction.

"Major, first, you are the one acting like a child and second when are you going to learn that Carson isn't someone you want to get angry? Have you ever seen him like that? I have and it's not a pretty sight."

That warm, happy feeling flooded John again. This was the McKay he knew, perhaps everything wasn't as wrong as he'd first thought on the Jumper.

"You're saying our mild mannered, good natured doctor has a temper? I think I'd like to see that."

"You won't find it too funny when he's strung you up by your nether regions."

John's laughter preceded them into the infirmary and Carson looked up at the group, smiling at the thought that John's team had to bring him here yet again.

"There you are Major, Teyla. Take a seat and I'll be right with you."

Sitting on the exam table, John shooed the other half of his team away. "You've done your job, I'm here and I'm sure the two of you have better things to do. Besides, it's not like I can take off under Teyla's watchful eye. We can met up in the mess hall for dinner before the game."

Ford pretended to ponder the suggestion. "Actually sir, there's nothing that requires my immediate attention."

"Well, unlike everyone else, I do have a mountain of paperwork and research to take care of." McKay told them, heading for the door.

The words cut right into John and he couldn't help feeling hurt by them. It was stupid, he knew, scolding himself. McKay did have a lot of work to take care of and wanting him to stay was nothing short of selfishness.

"See you in the mess hall." John called after him.

-------

Given the doctor's encouraging words of good health, John managed to shake off his escorts' long enough to return to his quarters to shower and change. He disliked being in the infirmary for any reason, disliked being a patient but today it had been worse. An unusually hypersensitive awareness labeled certain noises, certain movements as dangerous and he had to resist the flight or fight response on several occasions.

Thankful for some time to himself, he laid back in bed to get some well deserved rest for a few hours. No sooner had his eyes closed than the door buzzed for attention. Feeling heavy and foggy, he stumbled to the door.

When the door opened, Teyla was startled at John's appearance. "Major Sheppard?" His clothing were in such a disarray it almost seemed he'd been fighting. Bleary, red eyes blinked at her in a confused haze, and a pale complexion brought out the dark smudges under his eyes. "Are you ill?"

"No, no. What time is it?"

"It is time for dinner."

He nodded. "Give me a minute, I'll be right there."

Ten minutes later, he finally emerged and appeared more himself but Teyla wasn't put off so easily. "Major, are you certain you're up to this tonight? Perhaps you should rest."

"I was resting." He snapped, then sighed. "Sorry, I think I had a bad dream."

"Do you wish to talk about it?"

He ran a hand over his face, trying to shake off the unpleasant unease still washing through his body. "If I could remember what it was. Come on, some bad food, some good company and a football game is all I need."

A quick stop later and they picked up Ford but Rodney wasn't in his quarters and when they found him in his lab, hunched over yet another Ancient artifact, he was firmly determined to stay there.

"No!" Putting a hand on the device, it instantly turned off and John faced the now irate scientist, wondering what had gotten into him. "Dinner. Football. No work." Why was Rodney making this so incredibly difficult?

"I have work - "

"We have the next three days off, Rodney. Off. As in no work. As in rest and relaxation. As in fun and frolicking. That may be an alien concept for someone who thinks a work day is 32 hours long but it's one you will learn."

"Come on Dr. McKay, it'll be fun. You can tell us all about how superior hockey is to football." Ford added, hoping to encourage the disgruntled man. An idea struck. "Maybe tomorrow we could find a way of freezing over one of the bays and you could teach us how to ice skate."

The idea seemed to hold appeal as the scientist brightened. "Well, we could borrow' a few of the refrigeration units. With a boost from one of the generators and some modifications - "

"Great!" John beamed, pulling Rodney to his feet. "Let's talk about it over dinner."

--------------------

Chapter 6

With Rodney explaining in painful detail why using the shields from one of the Jumpers in lieu of ice for ice staking wouldn't work, (Ford would never be allowed to ask a techno-geeky questions again) they entered the mess hall and ordered their food from the kitchen.

"Special today Ollie?" John asked the cook, noticing the rarely used fine plates with the stainless steal covers all four were handed.

Ollie Norris chuckled. "Special today sir. Hope you enjoy it."

"Dr. McKay, have you ice skated for long?" Teyla asked as they picked up their drinks and headed for an empty table.

"Not so much the last several years but I used to every winter growing up in Canada."

"So you can give us skating lessons if you manage to freeze over one of the bays?" John teased him, softening it with a grin

"Not if, when Major." Rodney corrected him, as they found a table and sat down. "The principles are really very simple if - " He blanched suddenly, looking down at his plate.

Lifting the lid to his dinner, John found instead of the tuna sandwich he'd asked for, there was an open-faced ham sandwich - in the shape of a pig.

There were snickers from a nearby table and a sound close to an oink' that came from Kavanagh. John felt the bile rise in his throat but when he looked up to his teammates, his blood began to boil. Each one had a look close to horror on their faces. Each one had persevered through their own adversities to keep him safe, to keep him from becoming an evening snack for the Tilkarens. To keep him from becoming what was on the plates before each of them.

John returned the cover on his plate.

"Ford."

The fury in that word made John look up. Rodney nodded the young solider to the nearby table as he quickly gathered the sandwiches and made a beeline for the kitchen, radiating waves of bundled tension. Without question, Ford headed for the amused audience and while he spoke too softly to be heard, from the way Kavanagh's face turned suddenly white, it was evident the young soldier was expressing his dissatisfaction with the little prank. Needless to say, the table emptied rather quickly.

The kitchen wasn't nearly as serene, bellows echoing through the mess and the sound of dishes, glasses, and pots being thrown about punctuated the one sided rant. For a moment John thought of getting up but Teyla put a hand on his arm to keep him there, offering him a reassuring look though her anger showed in her eyes. Several minutes later the crashes subsided, leaving the mess hall in utter silence as no one dared breath a word. A few minutes later Rodney showed up, looking remarkably intact given the amount of destruction that must have occurred from all the noise. Eyes took in the empty table and a nod of approval went to Ford who nodded back slightly in return. He held up three large bags when he reached them.

"It's traditional to eat during a football game, right?"

John knew he was grinning like an idiot and he didn't care.

-------

The rest of the evening passed pleasantly. Where Rodney had found hotdogs, chips, dip, and beer, he wouldn't confess despite what John considered exceptional interrogation techniques on his part. The hotly debated topic of which was the superior sport, football or hockey, covered historical, philosophical, and scientific grounds only to end in a draw, a battle to be fought another day as the paper football challenge commenced. Ford had lost badly and John had no idea where the young solider was going to find four sets of ice skates for tomorrow's adventure.

'Today', a voice quipped up and he looked at the clock. It read 3:47am, Atlantis time. He'd been unable to get to sleep despite the warm memories buzzing around his brain. It seemed impossible he missed his teammates already, they'd parted company only a few hours before, yet something hollow echoed in his chest with such an intensity it seemed remarkable there wasn't a physical hole present.

Whirls of sensations and vague impressions swirled around in his racing thoughts, barely glimpsing images that nipped at his consciousness. Feelings of unease and confusion were foremost, not unsurprising given he had been turned into a pig. Who wouldn't feel a bit out of place being turned into another species?

John rolled over and contemplated these snatches of emotions. The Tilkarens had insisted he'd have no memories of what happened but he had to wonder just how they tested that theory. They didn't seem like the most scientific bunch of folks he'd encountered in their travels. A shudder raced through his body at the idea of remembering the day in the life of a pig. It didn't sound like a pleasant prospect but if he was to understand what was going on, he needed some answers.

A quick shower and change of clothes later, he went in search of Rodney, feeling better with each step. It wasn't a surprise to find him in the deserted lab at this hour despite John's earlier rant about taking time off. About to interrupt, he stopped when he realized Rodney was talking to himself as he worked.

" - doing this? It's a distraction, nothing more! You're the biggest fool this side of the Pegasus Galaxy, McKay. They don't want your friendship, you're nothing more than a useful tool to be used at their discretion." Bitter laughter followed. "What made me think anything would be different this time?" Sorrow quickly replaced the bitterness. "What makes me think I deserve any better? Tomorrow. Tomorrow I'll talk to Elizabeth."

/ "I need to ask Elizabeth for a desk job." /

John turned and fled, barely making it to the nearest bathroom before losing what was left of dinner. Once that was gone, his body convulsed with dry heaves until he was lightheaded and wishing for unconsciousness. Leaning back against the cool tile on the bathroom wall, John felt his chest compress painfully, recalling the biting, sorrow-filled words.

/ "I need to ask Elizabeth for a desk job." /

Rodney was going to leave the team, the thought a physical pain, cutting like a knife in the gut. How had it gotten so bad that John didn't notice? He was supposed to be the team leader, how could he have missed something this important?

/ "Which one put you up to this because, honestly, it's not very good and frankly I'm getting very tired of all these practical jokes."/

Shame flooded John, his cheeks burning hot as he realized Rodney had been the butt of more jokes than anyone else. It was easy to argue with the man, easy to push his buttons and get a highly charged reaction from him, and easy to exploit his unease with people for - jokes.

Another wave of nausea washed over John as he berated himself for being so incredibly stupid. Why? Why had he been so stupid, so cruel? For a laugh?

Struggling to his feet, John knew he had to find a way to change Rodney's mind but first he needed to see Elizabeth and buy himself a few days. All he needed was a few days to prove to Rodney that he was a valued member of the team and a valued friend.

There wasn't a choice in the matter. There was no way he could lose Rodney.

--------------------

Chapter 7

"Major Sheppard, you look like hell." Elizabeth told him the moment he stepped into her office that morning.

"I need to talk to you about McKay." John began, not replying to her statement.

"Does this have something to do with last night?"

Last night when Rodney had taken matters into his own hands and took on the bullies. John never liked the position of the rescuee' but the idea that someone would stand up for him had been a warm, secure feeling. Something he hadn't experienced in a very long time. Something he didn't want to analyze too closely. Instead, he shook his head and faced the current problem.

"I take full responsi - "

Elizabeth waived him off. "Please, if I'd been there I can't say my reaction wouldn't have been the same." She paused a moment. "Is something wrong with Rodney?"

"Yes - no - yes but I need time to straighten it out so I kind of need you to be - ah -unavailable for the next few days."

Quietly sitting down with her morning cup of coffee, she took a drink before attempting to respond to what he'd just said. "You're not making any sense Major."

"I'm glad we got that straightened out." He turned to leave.

"Major." She called after him. "If Rodney needs to talk about something, I'm not going to turn him away. He's not only a valuable member of this expedition, he's also my friend and if - "

"He wants to quit the team." In the stunned silence, John turned back to her. "I need a few days Elizabeth, please. Just a few days to straighten this mess out." His eyes held hers steadily. "My mess."

"All right, two days. No more. John." Her voice was soft, concerned now. "Whatever it is, I'm sure you'll resolve it but in the meantime, get some sleep."

"I'll try."

A knock interrupted them and Bates entered the office. "Dr. Weir, there's been a report of three refrigeration units having gone missing from the kitchen as well as one of the portable Naquida generators - "

"Not missing Sergeant. The refrigeration units and generator are on temporary reassignment for a pending scientific experiment per my orders." With a blindingly charming smile, John ducked out of the office to make his way to the bays. If he couldn't help he could at least keep Rodney company.

Bay 3 had a notable drop in temperature and a slight audible humming sound, the most likely place to find Rodney, John thought as he raced along. The instant the bay doors opened, John's foot hit a slick patch and flew up, he landed heavily on his back and he slid halfway across the bay.

"Major!"

Caching his breath after having the wind knocked out of him, John looked up into the scowling face of Rodney McKay.

"I wanted - to help."

"You look like crap." A hand was offered and Rodney pulled him up with an ease that surprised John. He knew the rehabilitation therapy had pushed Rodney physically but that hint of strength suggested something more.

"Thanks. I see you've been hard at work already. Need any help?"

"What I need is for the ice to completely form which will take a few more hours, Major and your little escapade won't keep the surface smooth and ideal of skating."

This was more than the usual snarking between them, John could still hear the bitterness of Rodney's earlier conversation underlying his current words. What more did he expect? That Rodney would simply change his mind after receiving one of his more dazzling smiles?

"Major, are you all right?"

His back felt sore from the impact, his jacket and shirt were soaked with ice water and John could feel his thoughts racing. Thoughts that had been wandering off he realized and snapped his attention back to Rodney.

"I'm sorry. I just wanted to help."

Something in the scientist's expression softened. "Thanks for the offer but it's finished. Are you all right?"

"Fine, fine. Guess I should change into something a little - drier." Carefully they made their way back across the floor when John noticed Rodney was watching him.

"What?"

"When was the last time you got some sleep?"

"I sleep." He insisted, taking off the wet jacket. "And you? You must have been up all night getting this ready."

"I sleep." Rodney insisted and quickly changed the subject as they left the bay. "Breakfast?"

A trip back to the mess hall wasn't at the top of John's list of things to do this morning but one look at Rodney and his stomach knotted up. Rodney looked as if he were steeling himself against a joke about food.

"I am kind of hungry."

Rodney looked surprised and John felt like he'd only then realized he'd been kicking puppies his entire life. Did Rodney always expect a retort to everything he said? Did John ever give Rodney any indication to expect anything different? Was there a time John ever passed on an opportunity to tease his teammate? Events of diner flooded him and the way a certain scientist had stood up for him so John wasn't the butt of someone else's joke. That's what friends did, watched each other's back. Was there a time John ever stood up for Rodney?

"I'm sorry."

"You said that already."

"For everything Rodney, for not being a good friend and for that I'm really sorry."

"You're delirious." It was an obvious ploy to get an argument started.

"No, just stating a fact." They entered his quarters and he dropped the jacket on a nearby chair, then turned to Rodney. "I hope you'll let me make it up to you."

"There's nothing to - "

John stepped into Rodney's space, it was important that the scientist took him seriously. The words were spoken softly, with feeling and determination. "Yes there is. I know arguing seems to be in our nature but I let it go too far and I don't ever want you to believe that you're not wanted on the team. Or as my friend. I'm not expecting you to just take me at my word, I have every intention of earning your friendship and your trust back again. If you'll let me?" Hating how needy he sounded, John waited for the response, finding the zipper on Rodney's jacket of utmost interest.

When a hand gripped his arm, he looked up into stunned yet hopeful blue eyes. "Yes."

John felt that familiar, warm flutter spread through his body and didn't care that he was sporting a stupid grin.

-------------------

Chapter 8

Teyla nudged Aiden as they entered the mess hall for breakfast and pointed across the room to where John and Rodney sat, talking and laughing. Though both looked tired, both appeared to be enjoying the conversation and the company.

"It appears as if they have resolved their differences."

"All of them?" The young officer asked meaningfully.

"If not then perhaps today's events will provide that opportunity?"

Aiden broke out into a large smile. "I'm sure that can be arranged."

They walked across to join their teammates and Aiden thunked down four pairs of what looked like ice skates.

"You found some! I'm impressed Lieutenant." John offered him an approving look.

"Actually sir, Lt. Strathers, as it turns out, is an excellent machinist outside of the munitions area and crafted these for us." He picked up one of the skates. "They snap right onto a pair of standard boots."

"Hope you didn't have to sell the shirt off your back to get these, Ford." John grinned, knowing the young man had an eye on the fiery and beautiful female officer.

Aiden blushed. "It wasn't anything I couldn't handle, sir."

Rodney had picked up one of the skates, studying it closely. "This is very good workmanship." Noticing the stunned looks around the table, he balked. "What? I'm not allowed to compliment someone else's work now?"

Teyla touched his arm. "You rarely give such high praise. It is nice to hear."

It was her soft, tender tone that deflated his anger and he huffed to cover the outburst. "Why don't we try these things out?"

"Great." John was happy that Teyla had managed to smooth over the rough patch with Rodney. It struck another chord with him that Rodney felt as if everything he did and said would be under attack.

-------

"You're an excellent study, Aiden!" Rodney called out as the young man skated by, having gotten the hang of keeping his balance and was experimenting with movement.

"Show off." John huffed, tenderly getting up off the ice yet again.

"Perhaps it's a sport you have to learn when you're young sir!" Aiden called out as he passed John, a huge grin on his face.

It was perfect, John thought, watching how excited Rodney had become while giving lessons though the Major suspected Aiden of having taken staking at some point in his life because he took to the ice with too much ease. He'd only fallen three times.

Rodney was currently leading a less confident Teyla across the ice who was concentrating on what he was telling her, a huge smile on her face as well. It was a matter of trust and John had to wonder if Rodney saw it as such, them trusting his instruction, his direction. As soon as he got some attention himself, he would make certain Rodney knew that, even if he had to put up with an insufferably smug Canadian.

With perfect timing, Aiden skated up to them, taking over Teyla lesson and motioning Rodney over to John. Perhaps John wouldn't have to get back at the young Lieutenant for his early remark as Rodney skated over with an ease that would make anyone envious. A large, smug smile covered Rodney's face, arms folded over his chest.

"Do you still believe football is better than hockey?"

John gritted his teeth as he struggled to keep his balance. I'm not even moving yet.

"How about we call it a draw?" Once again he lost his balance when Rodney bolted forward and strong hands steadied him. A tingling warmth spread through his tired body at the contact and it was an effort to keep from showing surprise.

"This isn't like skiing, Major." Rodney began.

"John. We're off duty Rodney, call me John."

"Okay. John. Are you all right?"

The truth was John was tired but he wasn't about to admit to it and risk disappointing Rodney after all his hard work on this project. "Fine. This is harder than it looks." It was a quick change of subject and after a moment's consideration, Rodney allowed it to go unchallenged.

"It's all in the ankles. Let me show you."

While a part of his mind concentrated on correct posture and movement, another part took inventory of every touch, every reaction to those touches. Something was happening, something his tired brain whispered at him just beneath the surface of consciousness. And if he moved closer during those lessons, if his hands held on a little longer than necessary when he started to lose his balance, it didn't really mean anything.

Did it?

"Come on John, you can do it." Rodney had moved several feet away, a hand held out beckoning him forward. It was the look on Rodney's face though that mesmerized him, so full of hope and anticipation John simply felt drawn to him. If one just looked, they could see so much dancing in those beautiful blue eyes - eyes that grew wide when John suddenly realized he was going too fast and had no idea how to stop.

A second later he plowed right into Rodney and they fell in a tangle of limbs, laughter following. Turning to see the same mirth reflected back on the scientist's face, John felt heady and just a touch punchy as he giggled. The carefree, happy look was something he wanted to see more often on Rodney and he was determined to be the one who made that happen.

"The next lesson - stopping." Rodney got to his feet and offered John a hand up. The strong, warm grip sent little blots of electricity through John. "You're a good teacher Rodney."

"That's not - "

"It is true." He kept his voice low, soft, intent. "You don't think we'd come out here and risk possible bodily harm, not to mention irrevocable damage to our egos, if we didn't trust you, do you?"

Rodney shook his head. "No, no I'm not - " He muttered, attempting to loosen his grip on John but the Major held fast looking into tormented blue eyes.

/"You deserve better."/

"I wouldn't have you on this team if I thought for one moment you didn't belong. You've proved time and again that you do belong here with us, on this team and as a friend."

It was a long moment before Rodney said anything and in that time John realized just how close they were, hands gripped tightly, bodies so close he could feel the heat radiating off of Rodney. So close he could smell Rodney's aftershave and an overwhelming urge to scent that flushed skin hit him hard.

"Thank you." Rodney whispered.

John nodded, frantic to control his rebelling body. "Anytime."

Arguing could be heard by the bay doors and John found he was grateful for the interruption. He desperately needed a distraction and some time to think.

-------------------

Chapter 9

A midmorning nap had seemed like a good idea at the time and while all that skating had worn John out more than he already was, his sleep was not peaceful as he tossed and turned, adrift in a place between awake and asleep.

Memories danced behind his eyelids, flickers of the world being too large and too loud, so many different scents to explore and there was the vague and odd sensation of hunting for food. The laughter was a surprise as well as the good-natured humor.

/"Runt of the litter, huh? That would explain a few things."/

/"Is there anyone you don't drive crazy?"/

That was Rodney's voice and John had the weird sensation of looking up at the scientist. The laughter that followed rang in his ears, vibrated through his body and landed in his heart. When was the last time Rodney had been that happy?

/"Oh yeah, I imagine everyone you meet you drive insane./

Loud, angry voices were followed by fear and then an unexplainable sensation of being wrapped up in arms and feeling safe. It hit hard enough to make him gasp out loud from that feeling of being protected from harm.

Starting awake in a cold sweat, John lay there for a few seconds before realizing someone was in his room. Looking up, Rodney appeared hesitant to come any closer.

"Are you all right Major? I thought I heard you yelling." He sounded so distant, so far away.

The very idea of Rodney protectively cuddling a small pig would have seemed funny on all kinds of levels just a few short days ago

/"Miss something important, did I?"/

/"You could say that."/

It hurt to know Rodney had been more welcoming of him as a pig, opening up and even safeguarding him from angry mobs, insane leaders, and vengeful spoiled brats. Did Rodney believe that John Sheppard, human, needed no one to lean on, that he needed no protecting? After all they'd been through, did Rodney see him as nothing more than the two-dimensional soldier others assumed was the extent of his character?

Why did it hurt so much to think that might be the case?

Recalling last night's dinner, John's heart began beating with relief. No, it wasn't that Rodney thought John didn't need protecting, more likely Rodney believed John didn't want to be protected. Didn't want to be protected, to be held in strong arms, to be cuddled and loved and...

"Perhaps I should call - "

"No, no." Attempting to cover up his shaking hands, John played with the hem of the blanket. "I'm fine, just -- " Screwed, he thought to himself, looking into those concerned blue eyes that made his heart ache with want.

And that had been the problem all along, hadn't it?

He'd known all along, since that Genii bastard had hurt Rodney, tortured him, then damn near took his life. The rehabilitation had been emotionally draining for all involved, especially the first few weeks when Rodney had been convinced he had let everyone down and deserved to be crippled. They had fought, sometimes bitterly and in the end the depression had passed leaving John to watch with something close to awe as Rodney fought for each step with an earnest determination.

The rehabilitation had taken several painful months and been a daily reminder of how close they had been to losing Rodney. Only with the astrophysicist well on his way to recovery did John suffered a minor, private emotional breakdown of his own. The events of those months brought to the surface feelings John didn't know how to deal with at the time. Hatred for the Genii, self-loathing towards himself for not protecting Rodney, horror at all the blood and the utter helplessness that he was watching Rodney slowly die as they hoped help would arrive in time.

Nearly losing Rodney had scared John badly, shaken him deep down to his core and as a reactive defense, he began to distance himself, to build walls. By the time Rodney returned to the team, John had already started acting out towards him.

Was it any wonder Rodney felt the way he did? Could Rodney ever guess it was all because John was little more than a coward in the face of love? Would he walk away in disgust if he ever found out the truth or would it be a look of pity that ruined their already shaky friendship?

/"Come on John, you can do it."/

That hopeful, happy face flashed through his mind's eye and he could hear the same encouraging tone from just this morning leaving his heart full of need and ache. John wanted nothing more than to be the reason for that happiness.

/"You can do it."/ Rodney's voice whispered to him yet again.

John held out a hand, heart beating so loudly in the quiet room Rodney must have heard it. "Will you stay with me?"

Panic flashed across Rodney's face and John's hand fell. "Sorry, forgot you're a busy man." He offered one of his patented smirks to cover up his momentary weakness.

There was a determined set to Rodney's jaw and he crossed the room to sit on the edge of the bed. "It so happens I have the next few days off. Off. As in no work. As in rest and relaxation - "

It was impossible not to smile at the snarky attitude despite how tired John felt. Though it often put off other people, John loved their banter.

"Rest and relaxation sounds good right about now."

"You look like crap, John." A hand reached out to gently brush against his face, checking for fever. "When was the last time you got any sleep?"

John merely offered a non-committed shrug, caught up in the sensation of the touch until that contact was withdrawn and a flash of panic coursed through his body. Until he realized Rodney was toeing off his shoes and taking off his jacket. Settling back, John watched in amazement as Rodney laid down in bed next to him, drew him close and brought the blanket over them both.

It was a bit awkward at first, curling up to Rodney in such an intimate manner. Resting his head on amazingly board shoulders, John wondered if he were dreaming until his hand brushed across the scar that could be felt even through the t-shirt. All of his old fears rose to the surface as his body began to shudder at losing all that was within his arms at the moment. But that fear had only served to drive them apart before, nearly costing him Rodney in his attempt to keep these feelings buried. Perhaps confessing the truth would help repair what had been damaged between them.

"Go to sleep."

It was an order, making John smile, the anxiety fading as strong arms encircled him. Relaxing into the solid warmth next to him with a sigh of contentment, a flash of memory insisted this was a safe place, a good place. Then John Sheppard slipped off to sleep, dreaming about barns, sweet smelling haystacks, and an unbelievably sexy astrophysicist.

-------------------

Chapter 10

Waking up, Rodney felt the world pause as he gazed down at the man sleeping in his arms and felt his heart fill with emotion. Most of the tension had been smoothed away leaving a youthful looking man behind with incredibly sexy, mussed hair. One who enjoyed cuddling as John burrowed deeper into Rodney's side.

John was a cuddler.

The thought and feel sent a flush all over Rodney's body and for a moment he knew this simply had to be a dream before earlier memories returned and it was suddenly hard to breath.

When John had asked him to stay, looking so trusting and looking for assurance, Rodney had nearly gone into a full panic fit, having seen that same look on a small, vulnerable piglet. It was easy to see how much responsibility John had to take on since they came to Atlantis and how he often hid behind that cocky fly-boy attitude to project an air of confidence to the rest of the base personnel. That projected attitude often accompanied the innate ability to get into all kinds of trouble that was maddening to watch. Rodney knew John needed someone to look after him and as a team they did what they could but he had always wondered if John would ever let down his guard enough, to trust someone enough, to let anyone offer comfort.

The room spun around lazily as breathing became an issue, the realization that John trusted him to offer that comfort, to have a look behind the mask he wore for others. Perhaps there were side-effects from being changed into a pig and back again that Carson hadn't caught because since returning from that mission, John's behavior had changed towards him. Instead of being the antagonist, John had worked hard at including him and even apologized for his previous behavior, determined to make up for not being a good friend.

Or he simply could have realized he had made a mistake and was working to rectify it, a part of Rodney's brain scolded him.

Oh yeah, and the Major had fallen head over heels in love with him too, another voice snarked.

Needing some space to think, Rodney carefully slid out of a rather possessive grip and sighed when John remained sleeping. Checking his watch, he was a bit surprised to find it was evening and decided a shower was in order before returning with dinner. Quickly scribbling out a note so John didn't think he'd simply run off, Rodney watched him for a moment before pulling himself away and returning to his quarters.

-------

"Well, well, what do we have here?" Kavanagh stepped out in front of Rodney as Rodney was making his way back to John's quarters with dinner. "A quiet, romantic dinner for two? Seems your luck is changing McKay."

"Whatever." Rodney wasn't in the mood to deal with Kavanagh at this moment and moved to step around him.

Kavanagh blocked him again. "I've got a little proposition for you McKay and if you're as smart as you claim, you'll take me up on it."

Seeing the wanton look of malice gleaming in the other scientist's eyes, Rodney stepped back and felt a cold shudder rush down his spine. Kavanagh was a bastard at the best of times and no doubt looking for payback after the incident in the mess hall earlier.

"Go to hell." Rodney snarled and again moved to go around.

Kavanagh didn't stop him. "You first, or perhaps Major Sheppard?"

It felt like a knife in the back and Rodney wondered when Kavanagh would gleefully twist that blade as he turned around. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the fact that you're madly, head over heels, in love with Major Sheppard. Don't try to deny it McKay, I saw you two lovebirds in the bay while you were ice skating, me and a few others." The hippie moved closer, using his height to look down at Rodney in an attempt to intimidate him. "You've worked for the military for a long time McKay, you know what happens when one of their own is outed. The military doesn't tolerate faggots in their midst, Sheppard would lose his rather tenuous grasp of command. And who would be to blame? The faggot coward from Canada who couldn't keep his hands or military secrets to himself! He'll lose everything and he'll never forgive you."

Ice cold guilt raced along his veins as memories of the Genii returned, all grinning faces, sharp knives and large guns, accompanied by memories of those unfortunate soldiers who had been unwillingly outed to the detriment of not only their careers but their personal safety as well.

Rodney's mind shuttered at the images. It wouldn't matter if John was innocent, enough would believe the rumors and John would be the one losing his credibility. Life on Atlantis was too precarious for there to be a division among the military and to lose his men's' trust...

"And your proposition?" It was a hoarse whisper.

"Step down, let me take your position and no one ever has to know, especially Major Sheppard."

And there was the twist of the knife right in Rodney's heart. He could stand his ground and lose the fragile friendship building between him and John or he could step down and effectively destroy that friendship to prevent John from finding out the truth. Either way, he would lose.

-------------------

Chapter 11

"Son-of-a-bitch!"

In an instant, Kavanagh was slammed back against the wall as John pressed his forearm against his throat, face twisted in fury.

"A-assaulting a civilian, Major?" Kavanagh coughed. "What would Dr. Weir say?"

"She'd probably be more interested in you blackmailing one of her Senior Staff!" He hissed back.

Rodney couldn't believe this, John had heard everything. John knew. Heart beating in his ears, he stepped back only to run into something solid and unmovable. Turning, he found Stackhouse's imposing figure in the way.

"Are you so certain? Don't you think she'd have issues with having a faggot on her staff?" Kavanagh sneered. "Or two?"

"I have a news flash for you, Dr. Weir isn't a bigot!"

"Major!" Rodney hissed, knowing he had to do something to keep this from turning into a complete disaster.

"No way am I letting this bastard blackmail you Rodney!" John growled.

Looking over John's shoulder, Kavanagh caught sight of Stackhouse and his cold grin grew. "What about your soldiers, Major? How do you think they would feel knowing their leader is a bitch who takes it up the ass from a geek? The military isn't exactly known for it's tolerance of gays in the military."

John threw Kavanagh back against the wall and stepped back, trying to control the rage that was screaming at him to take action. "You're under the deluded assumption that I'm ashamed - "

"Major, no!" Rodney hissed again, moving forward to stop him from making any further comments.

John looked into Rodney's ashen face and turned to catch sight of Stackhouse who stood ready for an attack, his expression impossible to read.

"No, Rodney." John had made his decision. "I'm not ashamed of how I feel for you and I'm not going to hide it because of closed-minded bastards." And with that, John leaned in and kissed Rodney on the lips. It was a simple, chaste kiss, a brief meeting of lips that left each breathless.

"Oh how sweet." Kavanagh sneered. "Hope you're willing to live with the repercussions!"

"Dr. Kavanagh, there won't be any repercussions." Stackhouse had taken out his sidearm and was carefully inspecting it, eyes never leaving the scientist as he worked. "Perhaps it would be best if you left this area, there's no telling what kind of dangers are lurking around here." With that, he pulled back the slide and cocked the hammer on the 9mm that was pointed right at Kavanagh's heart.

Without a word, Kavanagh turned tail and ran.

"Sgt. Stackhouse, you're pretty scary with that thing." John said.

Stackhouse broke out into a huge grin as he carefully disarmed the 9mm and put it back in it's holster. "Thank you sir! I've been working on it." Glancing down the hall where Kavanagh disappeared, he scowled. "Should I contact Sgt. Bates, sir?"

"No, it will probably be best to let Dr. Weir handle this." John ran a hand through his messy hair, still looking tired.

"What - what did you mean by there not being repercussions?" Rodney hated that he asked because Stackhouse was damn scary, especially with a weapon but he needed to know just how screwed they were.

Stackhouse just shrugged. "Sir, I don't know what kind of screening process the civilians had to go through to join this expedition but General O'Neill put all the military through the grinder and then some. He wanted to make damn certain that no matter what we came across, it wouldn't affect our ability to do our job."

"Including the fact that your CO is gay?" John asked, not quite certain he believed this.

But Stackhouse just laughed. "Sir, most of us have put bets in the pool since returning home after the storm."

"A betting pool? You have a betting pool on what?" Rodney demanded.

The Sergeant seemed only then to realize his slip and it was shocking to see someone who could be stone cold one moment suddenly blush the next. "Ah - well - see sir - "

"Spit it out Sergeant." John's words were encouraging.

"There's a pool on how long before you and Dr. McKay here figure out you've got the hots for each other." He coughed, looking away. "And do something about it."

"And I haven't heard of this little betting pool, why?"

"Ah - well sir, Lt. Ford made it clear you weren't to know."

It was simply too funny, John thought, until he got a look at Rodney who was closed off and livid by the look on his face. All humor quickly faded and something closer to dread curled around in his gut.

"Let's see Dr. Weir."

---------------------

Chapter 12

The explanation to Elizabeth hadn't been nearly as painful as the awkward silence after the meeting as John and Rodney walked in silence to their quarters. And Elizabeth had been livid, making John really glad he wasn't Kavanagh because when Elizabeth caught up to him, she'd mount his balls on her office wall as a trophy.

She had let them loose after little more than a verbal lashing and John found the quiet of the hall thick and heavily oppressive. Rodney had said precious little, earning the scientist looks of concern from everyone.

"Rodney - "

"Don't worry Major, you'll have my resignation first thing in the morning." Rodney spat out bitterly.

John stopped, dumbfounded. "What? What the hell are you talking about?"

Rodney rounded on him, a dark fury behind those blue eyes. "Perhaps you and Elizabeth are blind to the fact but it's plain to everyone else! I'm the weak link on the team! I'm the one who gives away secrets, who doesn't play well with others, who is an easy mark for blackmail! And no matter what Stackhouse says, there's always repercussions! Just in case you haven't noticed life here is precarious enough without a division in the - "

"No!" It was a horrible flashback to after the storm all over again and John realized Rodney continued to believe it was his fault. "Damn it!" Grabbing Rodney's arm, he lead them into his quarters and turned on him. "This ends now Rodney. What happened with the Genii wasn't your fault, it never was your fault! You're always setting the bar so damn high when it comes to yourself, you know that? Even trained soldiers have cracked under torture!"

"Would you have talked!" Rodney shot back. "Would you!"

"No one knows what they'll do in that kind of a situation until they're placed in it! Despite everything you kept your head, you gave me the information I needed to keep the Genii from completing their mission and you saved Elizabeth's life by taking a bullet for her!"

"So I wouldn't be tried as a trader!" Rodney shot back at him. "I wanted to die, I wanted an easy way out!"

"Liar!" John snarled, stepping closer. His body was shaking with rage. "Do you know what you talked about after you were shot and we were waiting for Carson?" No matter how hard John tried, the image of Rodney slowly dying still haunted him. He stepped closer still as his voice dropped to a hiss. "It wasn't about the pain or how unfair life was or about a last meal or any of that bullshit you spout to keep people at a distance! You were more worried about the city, the expedition and the Athosians than the fact that you were bleeding to death! You made me memorize what to do after the storm passed, along with what to do in case any one of several possible worst case scenarios came to pass."

A hand reached up to touch a warm cheek and to wipe away the memory of blood. There had been so much. Looking into eyes as blue as Earth's sky, John continued on with an underlying tone of pain and sorrow accompanying the words. "After the surgery you relived that moment over and over while you slept, trying to save Atlantis through every nightmare."

"You were there?"

A nod. "Yeah. You may not be able to see it but you are a brave man, Rodney McKay. Despite the obligatory bitching, you never backed away from the therapy. I'm not so sure I could have kept up with it, much less practiced when no one was looking."

Rodney was finding it hard to think as John's fingers kept gently brushing the side of his face, gently massaging against the evening stubble. "That's not true, you're the bravest person I know."

Those words brought such sorrow to John's face. "No. Not with what matters."

It was only a short move and their foreheads were touching. Normally Rodney found the Athosian custom intrusive into his personal space but this was close and intimate and made his heart skip a beat or several.

"This scares the hell out of me Rodney and while I watched you struggle to walk again, I realized how much I care." John let out a shaky snicker. "Care. See? It's hard to say now."

"John, you don't - " Rodney began, afraid of what John might say, afraid of what he might not say.

John lifted his head, giving Rodney a clear view of those hazel eyes and the seriousness behind them. "Yes, I do have to say this. I damn near lost you to the Genii and to my own stupidity, there is no way I'm going to let that happen again. I fell crazy in love with you and it scared me so badly I ran the other way. Instead of owning up to my feelings I put a barrier between us and took my insecurities out on you and for that I'm sorry."

A part of Rodney's brain simply wouldn't shut up, spouting off any number of reasons why this was a bad idea and for the first time in a long time, he wished that part of his brain would shut itself off.

"I know, but - "

John laid a finger on his lips, shorting out all higher brain functions and it took all of Rodney's control not to open and take that finger into his mouth.

"Do you love me?"

A wide-eyed nod was the only way he could respond and he nearly whimpered when that finger fell away.

"Let the rest sort itself out." John whispered.

"What now?" He asked and nearly gasped when that boyish grin came out in full force accompanied by a mischievous leer.

"I was kind of hoping for the fun and frolicking part of this vacation to start."

----------------

Chapter 13

John woke to a cold breeze over the warm bed and almost burrowed further under several layers of animal furs until he caught a movement by the door. Rodney stood there, one hand holding up the flap to the Athosian hut, watching the snow falling outside.

Hunters as well as farmers, the Athosians had established hunting grounds in the northern part of the continent, setting up numerous winter huts for long stay-overs. It had taken some negotiating to get a few days off and use of the hut but the trouble had been well worth it the moment they landed in the picture-perfect, snow-covered landscape.

Rodney had whined about the snow and the cold, a whine John had long learned was a cover for anything from insecurities to more tender emotions. This time, however the whining had been used to cover a sneak attack and a snowball fight had ensued. It continued until both were wrestling in the snow, simultaneously cold and hot, flushed with shivers of desire and passion.

That had been last night and now John watched his lover, dressed in nothing more than low slung pants that gave teasing hints to the ass further down. There had been no way of knowing that those baggy uniforms concealed the ass of a god, as John had delightfully discovered their first time together.

Six months ago, after they had both admitted to their feelings, John had been shocked as he discovered his quirky, snarky lover hid a romantic side none would have guessed existed. Rodney's idea of fun and frolicking had been a long walk, hand holding, and kissing until they were both trembling with need. When he had ended what John realized was their date', John had been confused and horny as hell.

"Not on the first date?"

Rodney had kissed him breathless. "We better have a second date soon."

Determined not to be out done in the romance area, John embraced the challenge and took Rodney out for a flying lesson that ended with a drive-in movie courtesy of a borrowed DVD and a jury-rigged screen. Beer, popcorn, and incredibly hot sex were an added bonus.

Climbing out of bed and slipping into his pants, John made his way to the silent figure. Six months was a lifetime when everyday seemed to bring a new threat to their doorstep and John was a little worried at how silent the normally energetic man was at the moment.

"Everything okay?"

Far from the half-feared angst John expected, when Rodney turned to look at him, there was a mixture of lust and love in those blue eyes.

"I want to fuck you in the snow."

"Out there?" John couldn't suppress a shudder at how cold it was outside and how warm it was in the large bed behind them.

"Your power of observation is simply astounding. Yes, out there. That would be where the snow is." The crooked smile was irresistible so John kissed him while maneuvering them through the door until Rodney pulled back.

"Do I look like a masochist?" Rodney shook his head and stepped back inside to retrieve a few of the blankets before trodding barefoot through the snow to what had to be a pre-determined location.

In a flurry of clothes, blankets, and snow, they were once again naked and curled up in each other's arms. Rodney determinedly staked a claim to John's mouth, tongue thrusting in as his hips pressed his hard cock against a well-toned thigh. Hands went everywhere, rubbing at an already erect nipple, reaching down to squeeze John's ass, skimming along his flanks.

When John chuckled, Rodney pounced, fingers searching and finding every ticklish nook and dip until laughter rang through the meadow surrounding the encampment. Previous lovers had only been interested in the sex, never taking an interest in sharing something that might last. No one had ever made sex a delight to share until a certain pigheaded, tenacious, and gorgeous Major.

Rodney smiled, watching the joy soften hardened features, taking in the wildly, permanent bed hair, and the dancing snowflakes swirling about to land on flush-hued skin. "Fucking beautiful." He whispered before sliding into the body still pliant after their activities the night before.

John's laughter turned to a long, low moan and he then let out a cry as Rodney brushed his prostate. "Fuck!" John's responsiveness during sex was one of the things that turned Rodney on as he sank back into that hot heat. Hands danced across Rodney's skin, one reaching down between them to ring his achingly hard cock as he pushed in and out of John's body. The added sensation wrung out a litany of swears, demands, and pleas as Rodney worshipped at the alter of the man that drove him mad.

"Rodney." John's voice was ragged, eyes wild. "Fuck! Rodney!" That lithe body arched up as he screamed out his orgasm, his release warm and pulsing between their bodies.

With John's body bucking beneath him, muscles spasming around his cock, and a sprinkling of snow covering them both, Rodney's own cry mixed with John's to echo into the distance as he pounded his release into the depths of his lover's body.

Sinking into the blankets, Rodney listened as their breathing slowed down and smiled when John cuddled closer. He'd first discovered John was a cuddler when John had been turned into a piglet and Rodney couldn't resist the chuckle.

"Don't you dare." There was a low, dark rumbling to the Major's tone of voice.

"You're daring me?" Incredulous because John knew better than to issue such a challenge. The sex must have been exceptionally good to kill off so many brain cells.

"I'm ordering you." It was a grumbled warning.

Suddenly Rodney was on his feet, taking the top blanket and wrapping it around himself as he headed back to the hut and the warmth inside. John sat up, blinked in surprise and quickly reached for the remaining blanket only to find it was wet from the snow.

Rodney stopped at the door and looked back at John. "Soooey" The blanket then dropped, giving John a good look at that perfect backside before it disappeared into the warm hut.

Despite the damp coldness and thoughts of revenge, John felt his cock twitch with interest and scrambled towards the hut. Revenge could wait, godly asses came first.

End


End file.
